The Training Mom Vs. The Nagging Mom: Which are you and Who do you want to be?

I was having one of “those days” with my kids. You know, when you feel like everything you say falls on deaf ears. My frustration with them caused me to say things over and over, but the results were the same – a big fat NOTHING. Trash still wasn’t being taken out, laundry was still not put away and little eyes were still glued to electronics. I quickly felt myself losing my sanity! Because I can’t keep an organized home on my own.

And then I realized. 

When I get tired, I stop parenting and start nagging. I say things over and over until they get done, but this is not parenting. My default when I am tired is to nag, because discipline and follow through are hard work.

Nagging at my kids and begging them to do what they are supposed to does not help me or them in any way. I need teenagers who know what is expected of them and why. Teenagers who feel a sense of responsibility in our home, not entitlement. I want a younger child who doesn’t argue with what I say. I strive to have kids who act like our family is a team and who know how to contribute well. These values will make for a more peaceful and organized home.

In order for my children to become the kids I want and need them to be, I needed to start TRAINING my kids, not nagging them! I also realized that in order to keep an organized home without losing my mind, I would have to learn how to train my kids.

So here is how I replaced nagging with training:

  1. Explain: I made my request and then explained, in detail, what the expectations were and when the task needed to be accomplished. This takes more brain power, but it is worth it. You have to instruct and train, then plan for when you can follow-through to make sure the task is complete.
  2. Follow-through: I first set myself up for success with a follow through timeline that made sense. I would then make time to go check and see if the task was completed. Being a mom and raising obedient kids is my primary responsibility and I have to be proactive about not letting other distractions get in the way. I have to start being conscious of when I ask them to complete their task knowing that I am going to need to stop what I am doing to follow-through with the check for completion.
  3. Praise/Consequence: If the task was completed, then I give praise! We can move on into our beautiful day. If not, so sorry, now we have a consequence. It’s that simple!

take away:

Nagging Mom versus Training Mom: I have been both. But now that I am aware, I try very hard to slow down and choose the training mom approach.

The nagging mom has no consequences to use to her advantage. You have only set yourself up for a cycle for the day: I nag- kid doesn’t listen – my patience runs thin – I snap at the kids all day. Teenagers/kids don’t care because they have gotten their way and don’t have to be inconvenienced with the chore. All is good in their world. Now my husband has to deal with me at the end of the day because I am frustrated and completely exhausted. The training mom has followed through on her side. She follows up with the child/teenager and if the task is not complete then a consequence is given. Attitudes do not shake me because I am the one in control. Consequences are given and now the children would rather do the chore than receive the consequence and the kids get a calm and loving mom. I say that is a win for everyone! Do you feel like you spend most of your day nagging in order to maintain an organized home?

Need more guidance on how to become a training mom? I would love to help you! Contact me today  and we will get you on the road to a more peaceful parenting approach.

Amy Pepin

Professional Organizer in Greensboro, NC

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